2005 ish ...

01/01/2005 - FUCK ME A NEW SINGLE

Final single was released in time for the Xmas market, despite massive advertising in the punk press it failed to reach the illustrious Xmas number 1 slot. Featuring 3 Day bender and Don't Go and shared with legendary Hamburg football ska band NO LIFE LOST. Available all over Europe from wherever good records are sold and from www.ratracerecords.de so get yer Euros out.

Rod (who, lets be realistic, was the Henrik Larsson of the Newtown Grunts) has been getting his new band Joe Viterbo up and running. Details of upcoming gigs and stuff can be had at www.joeviterbo.com no doubt they probably sound a bit like SLF meets Saxon at the Rothes Halls.

I saw a Pogues tribute band last year who after coming on stage fairly pissed, donkeyed most of the songs, thought they were great and covered themselves in Buckfast. Ah, the memories came flooding back.... all it needed was someone in the audience to get up on stage and drink a pint of their own piss.

20th SEPTEMBER 2003

20/09/2003 - SO WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THOSE NEWTOWN GRUNTS ? A roundup of 2003

Final single about to be released, featuring 3 songs recorded in August, 3 Day Bender, Don't Go, Jesus Wept.

The band has gone on hold while we pursue our solo careers

Snail mail P.O. Box address is now dead so grunts@freeuk.com is your best way to contact the band.

Disgruntled was released as a pulsating 12" slab of vinyl in Europe through Rat Race Records and our good friend Marc Metzler from Germany.

We featured in a number of German punk zines after our trip their last year. It was all in German but I assume they said nice things about us. We also had a track released on a compilation CD given away with Moloko Plus punk fanzine.

We played a number of gigs in Manchester, Leeds, London, Edinburgh and Brighton , basically all the usual haunts. Last gig was in Brighton for Just One Life's collective 300th gig with MU330, Vanilla Pod, Peacocks and more.

Norri and Ricky leave the band, we get Schomitt, a ginger heeded guitar maestro fae fife, to nicely fill Gav's shoes.

Adam gives up the web page. I have to learn Html very very slowly.

Skinz

13th DECEMBER 2002

13/12/2002 - FURTHER GIG INFORMATION
Norri has been in touch to utterly refute Skinz's claim that Manchester/London "probably won't happen". They definately will says he and anyone who says they won't is welcome to a "squer-go" whenever they feel hard enough.
Right, that's ma shit-stirring done for now.

11th DECEMBER 2002

11/12/2002 - GIG INFORMATION

Adam
pleas eupdatE WEB PAG WITHT HE FOLOWING GIGS

tHURSDAY 26th (december) bANNERMANS EMBRA ( IFIT HASN'T BURNT DOWN)
   WITH oI POLLOIADN gUNTER pRAGUE.
SATURDAY 28TH DEC NIC E N SLEEZYS WEEGIELAND WITH
   PINK Kross ( GLASGOW'S ANSWERT TO ATOMIC KITTEN\)
   AND A MYSTERY 10 PIECE SKA BAND

   ONES IN MANCHESTER /LONDON HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH
   ME \ND PROBABLY WON'T HAPPEN........

Skinz

11/12/2002 - AS ONE LOVE FINISHES ANOTHER ONE STARTS
Okay, so the web page has fallen behind. The fault lies fairly and squarely with the band. Norri can greet all he wants about the tardiness of the page, but of course I simply provide the medium and if he cannae be fucked supplying some content then poo to him.

NEW BASS PLAYER
Peggie got sacked in Brighton by a unaniminous band vote for crimes against the band. He hated being in the band ... we hated him, finally reached a head after 2 years of him greeting about every fucking thing. His replacement on four string is called Graeme and was previously of Temazepam Babies. Biog to follow, probably. The above gigs are therefore Graeme's first. Good luck to him.

11/12/2002 - ALSO....
While I've got the spanner oot, here's a couple of other things... THE GRUNTS feature on the latest Punk In Scotland free CD given out by, em, Punk in Scotland. Track is "Victim of Straight Edge", which is now just called "Victim", I think.
Also, I know I said I'd added more photos the last time, but I didn't have time so I didn't, but I forgot to take out the bit that said that I did, therefore I ended up looking like a bit of a twat. Still haven't done the pictures though - need to find a less labour intensive but equally presentable way of doing them.

5th AUGUST 2002

05/08/2002 - MORE GIGS

05/08/2002 - WHAT REALLY HAPPENED IN GERMANY
Skinzy's tour diary is right here...

05/08/2002 - FINALLY, HERE'S NEW PICTURES
Here's the new pics. How fucken long did that take me?

4th JULY 2002

04/07/2002 - GRUNTS HIT ENGLAND

04/07/2002 - A FUNNY STORY
After being invited to play in the T Break heat at the Liquid Rooms in Edinburgh them Grunts all fell out about whether they should be playing such Corporate cock-sucking nonsense. In the end they didn't play but offered their slot to deadly rivals/best friends Gunter Prague who went along and pretended to be the Grunts. Of course, nobody noticed. Funniest moment apparently came when some lassie from one of the other bands came up to Gerry of GP and says "wow, The Grunts, I love youse, can't wait to see youse again".

04/07/2002 - RETURN TO GERMANY?
A return to Germany for Hogmanay gigs is rumoured.

04/07/2002 - DISGRUNTLED ON VINYL
A vinyl version of Disgruntled will be coming out in Germany sometime. Now, where did I put that artwork?

29th APRIL 2002

29/04/2002 - CONFIRMED GERMAN DATES
Hot from ma inbox, Skinz has just confirmed the dates and venues for this Germany carry on. They are:-

29/04/2002 - ALSO, A GIG IN EDINBURGH
Despite the outrageous snub of the Great T Break Swindle two years ago at the Cathouse, the Grunts are once more through to the final. Come and cheer loud and dance, though it seems to make no difference to the judges at LIQUID ROOMS, EDINBURGH on Tuesday 7th May

28th MARCH 2002

28/03/2002 - FIRST EVER SOLD OUT GIG
It's enough to make you paranoid. You play 150 gigs with a band, you leave, then the very first gig they play without you is the first ever sell-out. Apparently the doors were closed after 45 minutes at Nice'n'Sleazy's cos it wis that chocka. The band were paid over a thousand pounds in hard cash which went straight up Rod and Norri's nose - right on.
Actually, I've got nae idea how much they were paid. And Rod always brings his own sulph with him.
I've just had a thought - maybe the gig with The Misfits in Wales was sold oot. Well, if it was then it more to do with them than with us, I suspect. (Stop talking pish Adam, yer no in the band any more.)

28/03/2002 - FIRST EVER GERMAN TOUR CONFIRMED
The historic first tour to Germany has been confirmed as follows:- 1st May, LUBECK (Maifest), 2nd May BRAUNSCHWEIG (venue still tbc), 3rd May, HANOVER (venue tbc as well) and 4th May in DUISBURG (Fabrik) with CZD and notorious Leeds lunatics DOG ON A ROPE. Who'd have thought it eh?

28/03/2002 - ...AND A GIG IN EDINBURGH AS WELL
This one is at THE SOUTHERN BAR on FRIDAY 5th APRIL with MIUKU and MISLED YOUTH. It is free.

11th MARCH 2002

11/03/2002 - MALTINGS GIG AFF
Why? I don't know, but it is. So it doesnae matter where it is after all, does it?

6th MARCH 2002

06/03/2002 - GIGS ON THE HORIZON
Having being shamed by Tomly, and because Skinz is still pretty shit at HTML, I hereby announce the RETURN OF THE NEWTOWN GRUNTS. The first gig for Fucking New Guy Mike is FRIDAY MARCH 22nd at NICE 'N' SLEAZY, GLASGOW, with, I'm told, a secret set by some "famous 10 piece Glasgow ska band" (that's ten people, not ten sandwiches, I think). The following night, SATURDAY 23rd MARCH the elusive septet will be playing at MALTINGS PUB, EDINBURGH. Entry is free, and according to Skinz there's a possibility of free beer, which I assume means he's buying. Don't ask me where the Maltings is, I havenae got a fucken dan doo.

06/03/2002 - GERMAN GIGS
Find this one quite hard to believe masel, but The Newtown Grunts will be touring Germany 1st to 4th May, "starting in Hamburg, ending in Frankfurt", still arranging apparently so nothing concrete as yet. One of the gigs is Lubeck I think. When they tell me I'll tell you.

06/03/2002 - ENGLISH GIGS
Rumoured for June, expect the usual Leeds, London, Brighton kind of shit...

06/03/2002 - "DISGRUNTLED" ALMOST ALL SOLD OUT
So you better be quick....

06/03/2002 - ASSORTED OTHER NEWS
Dynamo Buckfast has folded, Skinz has been sacked from ANOTHER job and is now on the dole, Dave Peggie and Rod are secret lovers or something, I think, and Norri has failed to keep any of his New Year Resolutions yet again.

17th JANUARY 2002

17/01/2002 - WEBSITE BACK IN ALL IT'S GLORY
Okay, so I finally got round to putting the site back up. As you probably know, it's been a rough few months but are there clear waters ahead for the good ship Grunts? You tell me, I'm no in the band anymore. The New Fucking Guy Mike has, as far as I know, a 66.67% attendance record at band practice so far.

12th SEPTEMBER 2001

12/09/2001 - DISGRUNTLED
The mythical second album is due to appear on Friday 14th September, four years after the first. DISGRUNTLED features sixteen tracks of punk rock chaos. Okay, fourteen tracks of punk rock chaos and a couple of folky numbers. Not that we're turning into Capercaillie or any shite like that, they're good punk rock folk sort of, straight from the streets. It'll be in the shops in the next couple of weeks, or you can buy direct from our PO Box for a fiver plus a pound postage. I swear, it's the best fiver you'll spend this week.

12/09/2001 - GIGS GIGS GIGS
Album launch/drummer ejection parties are scheduled for the following dates:
Ricky's maiden gig with the band will be SATURDAY 6th OCTOBER @ NICE 'N' SLEAZY, GLASGOW. A chance to flog a bunch of CDs to our beloved weegie cousins.
SUNDAY 7th OCTOBER @ BACKPACKERS, EDINBURGH. Ricky's second gig, Adam's final farewell bash. I can feel the tears welling up already.

1st AUGUST 2001

01/08/2001 - DISGRUNTLED
A picture of the cover can now be found on the discography page. Release imminent, fingers crossed.

01/08/2001 - WEB PAGE REDESIGNED
If you haven't been here before then you should know it didn't always look like this.

20th MAY 2001

20/05/2001 - WE'RE GOING TO THE SEASIDE (AND LEEDS)
Our English dates have been finalised as:-
Friday 25th May at The Fenton in LEEDS.
Saturday 26th May at The Hobgoblin in BRIGHTON. Also playing are Brambilla and Combat Shock. I think Brambilla are from Austria.
Sunday 27th May at the Mariners Club, St. Thomas Street in SCARBOROUGH. Opposite the YMCA apparently. We'll be bringing our new single and live CDs and stuff, so bring your purses. We'll also be bringing our buckets and spades. Come on the HEATWAVE.

20/05/2001 - DYNAMO BUCKFAST 9, BERVIE CHIPPER 4
Goalscorers: Adam 7, Gav 1, Gerry 1.

19th APRIL 2001

19/04/2001 - SPLIT SINGLE with ANN BERETTA IS FINALLY OUT
Nothing To Me/The Bottle is released as of now on Wakusei/Speedowax Records. They can be bought from us at one of our upcoming gigs, or email us and we'll sort something out.

19/04/2001 - GIG NEWS #1, King Tut's, Glasgow
We're playing with The AMPHETAMEANIES, the best ska band in Scotland, at KING TUT'S in GLASGOW on Saturday 12th May. It will be great.

19/04/2001 - GIG NEWS #2, Brighton, Cardiff, somewhere else
Here is the half-baked news I was holding back for. It's still half-baked, but here is as much as we know. We're playing in BRIGHTON on Saturday 26th May. The gig is booked for the HOBGOBLIN, but we were told last week that it may be moved to a larger venue. But this one is definitely on. We were booked to play at CLWB IFOR BACH, CARDIFF on Sunday 27th May as part of a ten band or so all-dayer. Other bands included such superstars as LINK 80, LUBBY NUGGET and ONE CAR PILE-UP. Sadly, it looks very likely that this is going to bite the dust and so we're lining up another gig for the Sunday night. More news as soon as we get it. There will also be a gig somewhere in the North of England on Friday 25th May if all goes to plan. Fuck knows where though. Better get moving, five weeks to go...

19/04/2001 - AN APOLOGY FOR THE ENGINE ROOM
Sorry to anyone who came to see us in the Engine Room in Falkirk where we only got to play for twenty minutes before the lights came up. It was completely the fault of the wanker promoter, Jim Connolly. Then, despite their being well over a hundred people in the club and it being four pound on the door, he fucked off and didnae pay us, also cos he's a wank. Many thanks to DOG TOFFEE who cut short their set to allow us to get as long as we did. Let this be a warning to anyone dealing with Jim Connolly. He can be identified by the big lump on his neck and his lack of a chin.

19/04/2001 - PUNK ROCK SCOTLAND CD RELEASED
Straight Outta Saughton is our track on a new Compilation CD released by Punk Rock Scotland of Leven. Very few copies going about, although they were being dished out at the UK Subs gig in Leven last Friday, just before that guy got his nose broken. Long live '77.

19/04/2001 - NO NAME YET FOR NEW ALBUM
The tracks on the new album, in no particular order, will be: Get a Life, Take Your Hand, Toepokes and Tragedies, Everywhere She Goes, Working for the War Machine, Victim of Straight Edge, The Parting Glass, Nothing to Me, The Bottle, Politics Sex Religion, Straight Outta Saughton, Solidarity, Arsehole on the Dancefloor, Live This, a live version of The Ballad of a Newtown Grunt and another song which is called 'The Newtown Grunts versus the Insidious Right Wing Conspiracy' or 'If That's What You Have To Do' or 'The Jim Davidson Song' or something else altogether. Blood is still being spilt over this. We're just finishing the artwork and stuff, so it's not like we're sitting our hands.

19/04/2001 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOAPY SILLS
Norman will be thirty years young tomorrow. Drinks to be had at the Backpackers Hostel in the West End.

19/04/2001 - FOOTBALL PAGE BACK INTO HIBERNATION
I cannae be fucked the noo. I hereby relinquish the title of "Official" to Dodgy Nicky, The "Cat".

9th FEBRUARY 2001

09/02/2001 - MORE NEW PICTURES
Dare you check out the "CHAMBER OF HORRORS"?

8th FEBRUARY 2001

08/02/2001 - GIG NEWS #1, Backpackers Hostel, Edinburgh
We've got our arses in gear and will be coming to a town near you in the next couple of months (as long as you live in Edinburgh or Falkirk). First up at the BACKPACKERS HOSTEL on 3rd March we'll recreating the Battle of the Bands final of 1999 by allowing SVEN HASSEL a second chance. This will be their final final last ever definitely gig because Frank is emigrating to that Australia and, to be honest, it's a bit of a hike. It's free to get in and it's also a benefit from the Autonomous Centre of Edinburgh (i.e. we're giving them the money we get paid to play). The usual Backpackers signing in shit applies - if you don't know yet then check out the old news in News

08/02/2001 - GIG NEWS #2, The Attic, Edinburgh
We're playing with up-and-coming (or up-and-came actually) ska/sax heroes CAPDOWN at THE ATTIC, Edinburgh on 14th March. It's a Wednesday night but we promise that we'll be rocking that bit harder, just to show we're not scared of fucking Thursday. Everyone says they're great so there you go.

08/02/2001 - GIG NEWS #3, The Engine Room, Falkirk
And finally... for the moment, we're playing at THE ENGINE ROOM in Falkirk on 6th April with BOVINE. I've only ever been to Falkirk for the football so it's a new one on me. Quite exciting really.

08/02/2001 - LIVE IN GLASGOW CD OUT
As anyone who was at gig with MUSTARD PLUG will tell you, the LIVE IN GLASGOW CD is finally out. We haven't actually got any copies ourselves but we will have by the time of the next gig, if not before. I just need to get in touch with Hamish.

08/02/2001 - WAKUSEI EP OUT AT THE END OF FEBRUARY
Honest. Definitely. The end of february, I swear to God. Come on, it's punk to be late with releases.

08/02/2001 - ALSO, WE'VE FINISHED RECORDING OUR ALBUM
We finished last Sunday and so now we have fifteen songs ready to go just as soon as we can think of what to call the fucking thing. Any ideas? Should be out in a couple of months time, I tentatively guess.

5th JANUARY 2001

05/01/2001 - ADDED YET MORE PICTURES
Check em oot here

3rd JANUARY 2001

03/01/2001 - GIG AT 13th NOTE with MUSTARD PLUG
We will be playing at the 13th Note in Glasgow on Sunday 21st January. I wish we did some Friday and Saturday gigs these days ...

03/01/2001 - BEST OF THE TAP CD OUT
The last weekend at The Tap was recorded and has been released on CD. We contribute three songs. Also featured are EX-CATHEDRA, OVERSPILL, UNIQUE FREAK and a million others. The CD costs two quid. I bought my copy from Deek Allan of OI POLLOI who had a big box of them.

03/01/2001 - RETURN OF THE FOOTBALL PAGE IMMINENT
Oh yes it is. Have we got a story to tell you ... Watch the skies.

03/01/2001 - SOAPY SILLS IN BROKEN TOE COMEDY
Soapy Sills has broken his wee toe in an answering-the-phone accident, hence the crutches at the Backpackers gig. Some people will do anything for attention, and to avoid moving gear.

03/01/2001 - REST OF THE BAND GREETING ABOUT NAME OF THE LIVE CD
Dave Peggie, Lynne and Rod have been greeting about calling the live CD "IN THE NAME OF THE WEE MAN". They want to call it - oh wait, there's a thing - they haven't actually got any ideas, they just like grumping about what they DON'T LIKE. (I love doing this web-site, it's my way of winning arguments.) So, our new live CD is called "LIVE IN GLASGOW". How exciting. More exciting is the cover which looks like this ...

We'll be selling them, complete with PC video clips at the 13th Note gig with MUSTARD PLUG.

6th DECEMBER 2000

06/12/2000 - ADDED A NEW PAGE OF PICTURES
Check em oot - here

06/12/2000 - BACKPACKER'S CHRISTMAS GIG BROUGHT FORWARD A DAY
That gig at the Backpacker's Hostel in Edinburgh has now been moved to FRIDAY 22nd DECEMBER. Don't know why but it has. The upshot of this is that the AMPHETAMEANIES can't play. Well, you try Christmas shopping for nine other band members. It takes time.

06/12/2000 - 'IN THE NAME OF THE WEE MAN'
The live CD has been all mastered and shit. It's only us, actually me, that's holding it up. I keep fannying about with the web-site when I should be finishing the artwork. It's going to be called 'IN THE NAME OF THE WEE MAN'. (Note to band members Rod, Lynne and Peggie - we decided on that name when we were having a bar lunch after practice on Sunday. You should have come, it was good. Four veggie burgers for a tenner. Skinz paid for it from band funds.) The tracks on the CD are: Solidarity, Get a Life, The Bottle, Everywhere She Goes, Arsehole on the Dancefloor, Take Your Hand, Dead and Gone, Grunts Manifesto and The Ballad of a New Town Grunt. And it's got video on it as well. And that book, but you could download that yourself just now.

27th NOVEMBER 2000

27/11/2000 - CHRISTMAS GIG AT THE BACKPACKERS HOSTEL IN EDINBURGH
We're playing with THE AMPHETAMEANIES (who are 75% confirmed) at the BACKPACKERS HOSTEL in Queensferry Street, EDINBURGH on Saturday 23rd December. It's a free gig, but anyone who wants to come has to be on the list at the door. To get your name on the list drop us an email and we'll stick you on. Also, anyone who was on the list for the last gig we played there in October (the night Jim McLean banjoed John Barnes on the telly) will automatically be on the list for this one. That doesn't mean you have to come, but you're welcome.

27/11/2000 - WE HAVE SOME CHEAP TICKETS FOR BAD MANNERS
We've got a bunch of cheap (relatively anyway) tickets for the BAD MANNERS gig at The Garage on 10th Dec. These would normally cost you £10 + booking fee. We can sell you some for £7 each. Give us an email if you want some. You could probably send us a cheque and we could send them back to you, or maybe we could arrange somewhere to meet people. Dinnae just send money to the PO Box without letting us know by email, because there's always the chance that we might not check it in time.

27/11/2000 - LIVE ALBUM REALLY REALLY SOON
The live album from the Cathouse gig will be out within a fortnight. I think.

27/11/2000 - SPLIT SINGLE, SPLIT LABEL
The split single with Ann Beretta will be split between two labels as well. It will be on WAKUSEI Records and SPEEDOWAX Records. It will be available on Bucky coloured and clear vinyl. Wooo! Out by Christmas.

14th NOVEMBER 2000

14/11/2000 - GET OOR BOOK
I've finally got my arse in gear and you can download 'PRODUCE OF GLENROTHES - the minor successes of the newtown grunts' from the Stories page on the menu.

14/11/2000 - WE'RE IN 'THE LIST'
Turns oot that we're reviewing the singles in The List in the 2nd November issue. Which means it's on sale tomorrow and then it's not cos it's the new edition. We swear like fuck in it by the way. Fucking right.

14/11/2000 - CATHOUSE GIG SOUNDS BARRY
We recorded our set at The Cathouse on the 5th November. It sounds surprisingly good. There's 9 songs, it's 23 minutes long and we'll release it in the next couple of weeks on Velvet Crow records. More news really soon.

31st OCTOBER 2000

31/10/2000 - DROPKICK MURPHYS GIG MOVED
Sunday's (5th November, remember?) gig with the DROPKICK MURPHYS and MACHINE GUN ETIQUETTE will now be at The Cathouse (still in Glasgow). Tickets for the 13th Note are still valid. The gig is on from 8pm to 11pm (us likely to be on at about quarter to nine or something). And it's going to be an all-ages show. I don't know what that means bar-wise, probably one for the kids and one for old bastards like us. This is all a wee bit late notice but I suppose it could be worse. If someone does turn up at the 13th Note then it's hardly the longest trek in the world to hoof it up to The Cathouse. Oh, and I heard that this is to be MACHINE GUN ETIQUETTE's last gig.

31/10/2000 - BAD MANNERS AT THE GARAGE
Hey ho! THE NEWTOWN GRUNTS boldy go where they've never been before! Sunday 10th December will see us supporting the legendary BAD MANNERS at the Garage in Glasgow. Also playing are THE AMPHETAMEANIES. Doors are at 7pm, we'll be on stage at 7.30pm.

31/10/2000 - INDIE PISH SAVAGED IN "THE LIST"
Our truce with The List has been ratified. Adam, Norri and Rod went to The List HQ a week or so ago to be guest singles reviewers at the invitation of the music editor]. They gave us free beer. The brutal reviews dished out will be in The List on the 16th November. Indie pish be very afraid.

31/10/2000 - AND ANOTHER THING ...
Our set at The Cathouse DROPKICK MURPHYS gig will be recorded and put out as live CD on Velvet Crow records. All being well it should be out by the time of the BAD MANNERS gig. Our split single with ANN BERETTA is also due about this time. It's all go.

14th OCTOBER 2000

14/10/2000 - MAIRE NEWS QUICKLY SO OLD NEWS LEFT FOR THE TIME BEING
I've left on the 8th October news 'cos it's only been up a couple of days. If you really want continuity then read this page from the bottom up. It'll make more sense. ??

14/10/2000 - MAGIC NEW "PEOPLE" PAGE ADDED
The People page (on the menu obviously) has finally been finished. I was going to do a questionnaire that the band had to fill in but I couldn't be arsed so I made up what they would have said. And I did wee cartoons of each of them, which are fucking brilliant, even if I do say so myself.

14/10/2000 - DROPKICK MURPHYS
We're playing at the 13th Note (the big one I assume) in Glasgow on Sunday 5th November with DROPKICK MURPHYS and MACHINE GUN ETIQUETTE. Be there or be a wank.

14/10/2000 - SPLIT SINGLE, YET MORE DETAILS
The split single with Ann Beretta will be on WAKUSEI Records. There's big and small letters in that - like WaKuSeI or something - but then the Amsterdam Arena is actually the Amsterdam ArenA and I wouldn't play along with that either.

8th OCTOBER 2000

08/10/2000 - A GIG IN EDINBURGH - MEMBERS ONLY ...
In a desperate attempt to kick-start the Edinburgh punk scene we will be playing with OI POLLOI in the Backpackers Hostel just off Princes Street on Saturday 14th October. The drawback here is that it's the first gig of it's kind and the guy running the hostel is insisting that he has a list of everyone coming in advance. Ken, like it's a kid's birthday party but with nae ice cream and jelly. Everyone will have to show ID at the door to prove that they're on the list. Hopefully it'll all go okay and the guy won't bother with the register for future gigs.
If anyone wants to come then email us before Friday 13th. Oh yeah, and it's free - they just want your name.

08/10/2000 - SPLIT SINGLE, MORE DETAILS
A split single with Lookout Records Ann Beretta (from New York or New Jersey or somewhere like that, I think - America anyway) will be out before Christmas. It's being put out by Simon and Jude from London and, to be honest, I haveny got a clue what the label's called. Oh well.
Our side will have two songs on it - Nothing To Me and The Bottle - and their side will have some of their stuff, I would expect. It'll be on Buckfast coloured vinyl apparently. There you go, you know as much as we do now.

08/10/2000 - THE LIST "AT IT" - CEASEFIRE LOOKING DECIDEDLY DODGY
So, mind that ceasfire with The List we were talking about? Well, it's looking pretty shoogly the noo. They got in touch and asked us if, as we had such big mooths, we would review the singles in their rag. We said aye and have already written the reviews. We just need to allocate them to the dross they want our opinions on.
However, we've not heard a peep from them in the past six weeks despite pestering them and there's the rub. If they dinny stop fucking us aboot there's gonny be soapy bubble, ken.

08/10/2000 - NORRI'S DOESN'T NEED TO GO DEEP SEA WORLD ANYMORE
Norri's appeal for a partner to go tae Deep Sea World with him is now oot o' date 'cos he managed to go and see some Sick Seals near Oban, which he tells us was the "right on" version. Whatever. He thanks everyone who replied.

4th SEPTEMBER 2000

04/09/2000 - SHETLAND TRIP DELAYED
Jesus, it's been some year for things falling to pieces. The trip to Shetland has been put back through no fault of our own. As this has happened to several gigs lately then I better tell you all I know about this so you can see that it really really isn't our fault.
Apparently, Rod phoned the Shetland guy - I don't know his name so I'll call him 'Steve' - Rod phoned 'Steve' and 'Steve' says that aye, it's still on to come up but it's going to take a little tiny bit longer to put together because he's lost one of the venues he uses - all crap jokes aren't funny - and he has to guarantee 300 people to cover costs and he can't do that without a bigger venue or something like that. Bad Manners played on Shetland recently and only 200 people turned up leaving 'Steve' outay pocket - or something like that.
But - we're still going, we're just waiting till it's really fucking cold.
Also - if anyone from Shetland can confirm how to pronounce Lerwick; i.e. is it LER-WICK or is it LERRICK, like in Derek fae Berwick? Just curious. (I think it's LER-WICK.)

04/09/2000 - SOME BETTER NEWS
Okay, so we've hardly done any gigs lately but the following good things have happened or are about to happen.

10th AUGUST 2000

10/08/2000 - CEASEFIRE IN THE WAR ON 'THE LIST'
Highly sensitive ceasefire negociations are underway. It's pretty hush hush at the moment, but you'll be the first folk to know, ken.

2nd AUGUST 2000

02/08/2000 - THE FROZEN NORTH
I've just stuck the story of our trip to Skye on the Stories page.

02/08/2000 - WAR ON 'THE LIST'
The time has come for all good men and women to come to the aid of The Newtown Grunts. We have, following years of shabby treatment, been forced to declare WAR on the Edinburgh events poncy, wanky arsehole magazine 'The List'. For further details, and how you can help, see 'WAR ON THE LIST'. (Update 31/10/2000 - obviously this page isn't there now we're all pals again. Let bygones be bygones.)

28th JULY 2000

28/07/2000 - HOPELESS PULLOUTS ...
Awfy sorry but we've had to cancel tomorrow's Beveridge Park gig due to being arseholes. It's not really as common a habit as it must appear... We'll miss those guinea pigs, but I doubt they'll miss us.

22nd JULY 2000

22/07/2000 - GLENROTHES GIG
Our Glenrothes gig was good fun but Glenrothes is still a shit-hole - even more so now that it doesn't have it's only redeeming feature, us. The most notable thing about the gig was Dud-Load, the second band on who are usually a five-piece, playing with just a guitarist and a drummer. Their bass player broke his arm at the last minute. What a pish excuse. The most amazing thing of all is they were still brilliant. Some people are just born show-offs. We're back in the Kingdom next Saturday, playing to kiddies and guinea pigs in Beveridge Park, Kirkcaldy. Ha ha.

22/07/2000 - ROD'S WEDDING
If you've ever wondered why Rod doesn't drop his drawers at every opportunity anymore it's because he's shacked up with his girly girl Sharon, who won't let him. His tadger is for her eyes only and as of August 10th this year it's going to be official. They're getting hitched up and we're all going. With the notable exception of Big Brian who was going to be best man but cannae get an extension on his visa (cos he stays in America) - what a fuck-up. Expect songs about babies and girls from now on ...

14th JULY 2000

14/07/2000 - WALES TRIP CANCELLED
Shit there's me needing to stock up on leeks as well. Our scheduled trip to play at TJs in Newport with The Amphetameanies has fallen on the rocks of misfortune. Several minor hitches were followed by the news that Ex-Cathedra, Glasgow's finest are touring Europe the same time and are scheduled to land in Cardiff the same night we're in Newport. Fuck a duck.

1st JULY 2000

01/07/2000 - THAT SHETLAND THING
The Newtown Grunts are going to Shetland at the end of September. This involves getting on a really wee aeroplane, sort of like a car with wings. No fucking doubt it will fucking crash and we'll all be fucking killed.

If it is, never mind, we've left a legacy of one CD album, one four track EP, a split single with The Amphetameanies and tracks on, ooh, something like eight compilations. If we die and you've got one of these records then you could be in for a windfall of even more than you'd get for THREE NUMBERS ON THE LOTTERY. Nae making our plane crash on purpose though. I refuse to watch FINAL DESTINATION just now.

If you are one of those Shetland people then you should come to see us when we're there. We're doing two gigs, no exact dates as yet...

01/07/2000 - STICK IT UP YER ARSE THEN
We've been bumped from T In The Park. It would appear that despite being head and shoulders the best band in our heat - I'm not being biased or exaggerating, we were - we're no getting. If only we were more 'indie'. I hope it fucking rains.

01/07/2000 - ALSO COMING UP
We're going back to the Wales to play at TJs with the Amphetameanies. We're all getting on a big bus (hopefully) and driving down - like on 'Summer Holiday'. We should be due in the Valleys on the 27th July. We're having another gig on our way back up before, maybe somewhere like Leeds, Manchester or Newcastle before playing at Beveridge Park, Kirkcaldy on the Saturday afternoon. Beveridge Park is a summer fete. They have a kiddies zoo with guinea pigs and, I think, a llama. I don't agree with the concept of zoos.

01/07/2000 - DEEP SEA WORLD
Norri is looking for a partner to go with him to Deep Sea World at North Queensferry. All band members, and his girlfriend, are too right-on so he's stuck. I don't agree with Sea