There are seven people in our band. We haven't got round to doing these stupid questionnaires about who likes what and why and let's face it - who cares anyway? I think it would be much more interesting if I give you my opinion of what they would answer, if I gave them the chance. I know them pretty well, so these are going to be pretty accurate. I'm the drummer by the way, so mine are totally accurate.
So here we go - here's what they would have said ...

Name RODERICK PALLADIN DRYSDALE
Aka Rod, Bawbag.
I am a ... Singer.
I belong to ... Star of Markinch, a posh wee toon just outside of Glenrothes.
I now bide in ... Sleigh Drive, Edinburgh. The next flats along blew up recently.
Favourite Football Team The Tims.
Why? 'Cos I'm a glory-hunting bastard. I couldn't find my way to Celtic Park if it was 100 feet high and painted bright green. Actually ...
Top Bands Stiff Little Fingers, AC/DC, FM.
Favourite Films Anything with Jean Claude Van Damme.
Dream Lover Jake Burns/Cameron Diaz. I named my son after Cameron Diaz. Diaz Drysdale.
Name NORMAN ROBERT SILLS
Aka Norri, Soapy, Superweegie.
I ... Shout a lot.
I belong to ... Glasgow, a downmarket city just to the left of Edinburgh, when looking up the way.
I now bide in ... Easter Road, Edinburgh.
Favourite Football Team The Huns.
Why? 'Cos I'm a glory-hunting bigot. Not really, I used to live in Car-D.
Top Bands Dropkick Murphys, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Slayer.
Favourite Films Anything about revolutions, civil war or aliens from outer space.
Life's Ambition To get me an edumication.
Name LYNNE AGNES DAPHNE COLLINS
Aka Lynne-ie, Hen.
I do the ... Lassie singing.
I belong to ... Glenrothes - God's toon.
I now bide in ... On ma croft ten miles off the A92, somewhere between Glenrothes and Dundee with aw ma bairns. I keep chickens, a goat and some wee furry hings I canna whit thur cawed.
Favourite Football Team East Fife, of course.
Why? My Dad made me.
Top Bands New Model Army, The Singing Kettle, Cannibal Corpse.
Favourite Films Any old pish with Brad Pitt or Charlton Heston.
How come you've got that stupid accent now? Eh deh ken whit yer tackin aboot man, kain.
Community Contribution The kids and I are building a Wicker Man for the Luthrie Village Kirk Summer Fete.
What's the worst thing about staying in the middle of nowhere? Ringworm.
Name ERIC ARTHUR DAVIDSON
Aka Skinz, Skinzy, The Boss
I am one of the ... Guitarists.
I am the best guitarist because ... I do the fast stuff and not the noncy solos like Ricky does.
I belong to ... Glenrothes. I'm the only person actually born in the toon ever, 'cos it doesn't have a hospital. I was born in the living room 'cos my mum didn't have change for the bus.
I now bide in ... McDonald Road, Edinburgh.
Favourite Football Team Well it used to be St. Johnstone but now it's The Tims.
Why? Because St.Johnstone are shite. And I get beano tickets for Celtic.
Top Bands Crass, Flux of Pink Indians, The Alarm.
Favourite Films Anything with explosions.
Little known fact ... To make ends meet when I was at University I would model swimwear.
Name DAVID WEXLEY PEGGIE
Aka Peggie, Dave, Peggie Weggie Woo Woo.
I am the ... Bass player.
I belong to ... Heavy Methil.
I now bide in ... Rimbleton, Glenrothes. Well, someone has to.
Favourite Football Team Dundee United.
Why? I'm a ding-a-ling.
Top Bands Primus, Carcass, Boney M.
Favourite Films Cannonball Run, Police Academy 6, Hot Shots.
What are you doing hanging about with all these old people? They buy glue for me.
Name ADAM ANDREW LAWSON
Aka Adam, Lawson.
I am in the band to ... Hit things.
I belong to ... Glenrothes.
I now bide in ... Marionville Road, Edinburgh., near all the other bawbags in ma band, except Peggie and Lynne.
Favourite Football Team Dundee United.
Why? Shed Rule! I was mascot when I was ten, don't you know. I've seen Hamish McAlpine's arse.
Top Bands Dead Kennedys, Johnny Cash, Heaven 17.
Favourite Films Grease 2, Annie, West Side Story. Any musical really.
Why were you born so ugly? Why was I born at all?
and last but not least - the new cunt...
Name RICARDO BLANCO
Aka Ricky.
I am the new ... Guitarist.
You can tell I'm new because I ... Still have a shred of dignity.
I belong to ... Edinburgh.
I now bide in ... Norri's cupboard.
Why did you want to hook up with this shower? The usual reasons: the money, the fame, the birds.
Anything to add? Watch out for me - I'm the enigmatic one.
What is it with your picture? Quite accurate naw? Just like me, apart from the face.
Is that a hat or is it hair? Does it really matter?